Inspiring Stories

REAL LIFE STORY

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One of the big conclusions I came along in my short life was, that “may be” all the stereotype of person I was looking for, with all the criteria and details that I wanted in my future wife, make me think that this is “my Lechatchila” option I have to look for. For example: “It has to be someone that speaks the same language, that has to be skinny, has to be...that is what I need to make me happy. That is what I am looking for.” That is what I used to think. And any other option out of my parameters, may be good for someone else, but not for me. It’s my “bidieved” and nobody will marry with a bidieved, neither I.

But Hashem showed me. And this is my message for any single out there, one big lesson:
Not always what you think is best for you, is really, and sometimes what you think is your Bidieved, Hashem considers it your Lechatchila.

During the time, back in yeshiva in Upstate, NY. I have a good friend called Tomer who
after a couple of years in the yeshiva moved to Lakewood Yeshiva to learn the Torah Hakedosha. Although we have a nice friendship, and every three weeks, in every out shabbos, he invited me to his parents’ home in Queens, where we spent very nice shabbasos together with other friends. He and his family and many good friends knew how difficult it was for me since I had a broken engagement.

One time he told me that his cousin from Eretz Yisroel is here living with them. She just became religious and she’s a very good girl. But I thought to myself: She’s new to the Torah way, and I’m religious for many years. She is not for a Yeshiva boy and I want to learn Torah. She doesn’t speak the same language as I do and even after I saw her one Shabbos I thought she’s a little chubby. I did notice her good middot, a good heart and she was good looking and strives for Torah and Mitzvot with a special passion. But I concluded that she’s a bidieved in my standards and she is not for me. Two years went by and almost every three weeks I went to Tomer’s house in Queens. I never spoke with her for Tzniut reasons and also there was no point. Then I got engaged to another girl. However, Hashem decided that this one also will not be my wife and the engagement was broken, for the second time.

I decided I’m leaving Yeshiva and I’m going away to Florida to my mother’s home. I was missing a huge, warm expressions and a good couple of scrambled eggs cooked especially for
me, no one better than my special mother to bring me back to life.

After eight months in Florida, I received the good news that one of my good friends from Mexico got engaged and he invited me to his wedding in order to help me with Shiduchim. I thought it might be a good idea to go to Mexico for a while. In order for me to fly legally to Mexico my student visa had to be signed in New York and I still wanted to speak to my Rabbeim before I went. So I flew to New York to fix my papers. I went to the same Yeshiva I was learning in Upstate, New York for a few days, until the papers would be ready. A couple of days after I arrived in New York, I received a phone call that the wedding in Mexico was cancelled. Now I was back in the same place, with my old bad memories and with no plan of what to do or where to start again.

Suddenly, one big Rabbi that knew me well, told me that after I left Florida, a very good girl from Queens moved to Upstate, NY and she became very firm in Torah and she want a ben-Torah and has very good references. I asked who she is and told me she’s a Tomer’s cousin. I couldn’t believe it, My Bidieved Is Back!!! But finally I decided to try it. Amazingly, in Florida I put on a few pounds and I was the chubby one and she lost a lot of weight. Besides that the language didn’t bother me at all and she really was clear in her goals and her Torah level was very similar to mine. We went out over two weeks and in a blink of an eye we were married.

Today we have three beautiful healthy children and other one on the way. I’m still learning Torah in the same place in the Sechut of my wife.

Just remember: Not always what you think is best for you, is really, and sometimes what you think is your Bidieved, Hashem considers it your Lechatchila.
Baruch Hashem, that Hashem is the one that picked my wife and not me!