Dating Tips
Post created: Dec 10, 2008
Filed under: Dating and Marriage Tips
Updated: Jan 06, 2009
This Information is based on information from the Books of Rabbi Avigdor Miller, z”l.
The list is in Order of Priority.
1. If in the Mother and Grandmother Family Tree there are no Conversions and everyone is Jewish.
2. If He or She was Divorced, or Never Married, and his Age.
3. Physical and Mental Health.
4. Goals in Life.
5. Character Deeds, Midot Tovot.
6. His or Her Look and Personality must be Attractive to you.
7. If He or She has a Rabbi they listen to (in order to avoid any conflict in marriage).
8. Economical Situation.
Don’t forget that Praying to Hashem is the Most Powerful Tool You Have, it's simply one of the Best Gifts Hashem has given us.
• I find it difficult to grow beyond my childhood dreams as I search for a spouse.
• I don't give much thought to my future spouse. I'm sure that when I meet him or her, I'll “know”.
• I fail to see a correlation between my own behavior and how it is effecting my quest for an appropriate spouse.
• I am caught in a rut and seek a partner who might not necessarily be best for me.
• I make decisions regarding the success of a date based on “chemistry”.
• I look at ads of happy people and wish I were in their place.
If the answer to any of these is yes, then think about ways you can grow past these areas that mat have stood in your way without you even realizing it.
• I dream of a romantic relationship that will lead to a fairy tale marriage.
• A “head-turning” spouse is my most important criteria in a marriage partner.
• I believe that my shidduch and I will see eye to eye on most issues.
• I know I will be so captivated by my shidduch that I will have no doubts.
• I get hung up on small things that may not really be important in a spouse.
If the answer to any of these is yes, consider that everyone has character flaws and beauty doesn't make a person perfect. A mature person is prepared to recognize that whomever they marry will not be faultless and that ever good marriage requires tolerance and work. Hopefully, the insights that you have gained regarding fairy tales will help you to appreciate qualities that really matter.
• I've known the type of person I plan to marry since I was young child and I cant change that picture.
• I will feel like less of a person if my spouse is not a fantastic catch.
• I will not settle for someone who doesn't live up to my ideals.
• Even minor flaws in people irritate me.
• I wait to hear bells or see stars to know that I have met my shidduch.
If the answer to any is yes, realize that a successful shidduch is determined in the mind, not in the heart. If you are expecting to meet the perfect spouse, you will always be disappointed. On the other hand, if you are realistic, you have a much better chance of meeting a person who meets your needs and then you'll be on your way to a great shidduch!
• The opinion of others has a strong influence on the way I form my own opinions.
• I cringe when other criticize my decisions, even when I know that my decisions are sound.
• I care about what others think, to the point that it affects my own behavior.
• I tell people what I think they expect to hear, when they ask me what I am seeking in a shidduch.
• I'm not a deep thinker, I like to go with the flow.
If the answer to any of these is yes, you need to give yourself permission to make your own decisions based on what you feel you need rather than what other people think you need. Picture yourself at home alone with a sink full of dishes and a crying baby. Does it matter now if you spouse can make everyone in the party laugh? After all, although you care about what others think, it is you who will be spending the rest of your life with your future spouse and he/she must have the qualities you need. If you keep this in mind you will surely be on the path of finding the right person.
• I know the perfect person with all the good qualities I envision exist. I'm just waiting to meet him/her.
• I believe an excellent spouse must have all of the good qualities in this world and non of the faults.
• I cannot follow the advice of a well-meaning parents or rabbis. They can't possibly know what I need.
• I cannot make concessions on my original expectations. I will be left with an inferior spouse.
If the answer to any is yes, then you should be aware that you have tried to create a person who probably doesn't exist. There is no one who can excel in every quality that you have decided is important. Keep in mind that you will most likely not get everything you want, but you can still have a great marriage.
• people tell me I am overly picky and understandable in my search for my shidduch.
• I refuse to “lower my standards” as I seek my future spouse.
• I ignore people who expect me to compromise. I have high ideals and I will stick to them.
• People's bad habits get on my nerves.
• 'Good enough' is not good enough for me. My spouse needs to be someone really special and I won't give in.
If the answer to any is yes, realize that healthy relationship are based on compromise. Being picky about unimportant things hold a person back from finding their shidduch. Being able to see beyond truly insignificant character flaws will give you the best chance at a successful marriage.
• I am confidant that I know exactly who I am even though my close friends tell me otherwise.
• That person that I marry will love me so much they will be able to overlook my shortcomings.
• I know I have some character flaws, but they are minor and I can control them when I want to.
• Nobody is perfect, but I am pretty close.
If the answer to any is yes, then it's time to take a deeper look at yourself. Try to find a mentor, a rav or rebbetzin, or a friend who can help you to better see who you are and what can you bring to a marriage.
• I am not willing to sacrifice any of my personal comforts for marriage. I am sure that I can have both.
• My career and my need for advancement are my priorities in life.
• I like taking good care of myself. I can't imagine how I will be able to do effectively if I also had to worry about caring for a spouse.
• I need someone who wouldn't “cramp my style.”
• I hope to find my shidduch and I hope he/she won't be too demanding.
If the answer to any of these is yes, then you are living a life in which you are the main character. In marriage however, it is more important to give then to get. A healthy marriage requires a person to be in tune with the needs of their spouse more then their own needs. Be prepared give up some of the comforts you've grown accustomed to in order to be open to finding your shidduch.
• I find myself drawn to the same types of people – even when I know they are not good for me.
• Even thought they don't treat me very well, I feel more comfortable when I am with people who treat me like my family does.
• It is hard for me to break away from the stereotype that “all men behave a certain way.”
• I believe that going to a professional counseling or speaking to a rav in a cop-out ant that marriage will be therapy for my difficult family history.
If the answer to any of these is yes, then be aware that when a person comes from a situation that was dysfunctional, seeking the familiar can be unhealthy and even dangerous. Your goal should be to find someone who has healthy, reliable qualities like trustworthy, honest, and kind etc. - qualities that may have been missing from a dysfunctional past.
• I find myself passing judgment on people, even when I don't have all the facts.
• I trust my instincts. I can judge someone by my first impression.
• If someone isn't right for someone else, then he/she is not right for me either.
• I am very intuitive. I can even tell you what someone is all about based on what I hear about him/her.
• I can tell a lot about a person just by looking at him/her.
If the answer to any of these is yes, then remember that people are very complex and it is impossible to really know someone until you have spent a significant amount of time with him/her and observed his/her behavior in various circumstances. Check with the shadchan, or other sources, that the person you are investigating has the qualities you need, and then give the person a fair chance. People are often nervous on a first date and their true personality may not shine through. Allow him/her to share their experiences with you so that you will gain insight into the type of person he/she truly is.
Lets get down to earth and before going out lets get clear what are the main points to consider someone like my possible shidduch. The only way is to make a clear list in a priorities order of what I am looking for and need foe a good marriage. This should be your goal before going out A 10 points list.
This is not a shopping list and everything on your list will match! The point of the list is to clarify TO YOURSELF what your priorities are so you specifically look for these when you are going out. Marriage takes work! Even if your date meets every single item on your list, this does not guarantee a perfect marriage. In order for a marriage to work, it requires work! There will be behaviors you never bargained for or noticed on your dates. For example, you have no way of knowing from your dates that your husband scrapes his teeth with a fork while he eats, or that your wife likes to listen to music loudly. These are challenges that we are work through over time. It is your hishtadlus to help you through the shidduch process. However, like every other challenge we face, we must remember that everything is given to us by Hashem. Each nisayon is tailor-made for the receiver. It also important to recognize that often our hishtadlus seems to have nothing to do with the results that follow. We do our part and when Hashem decided it's the right time, He does His. It is the tefillah that with Hashem's help, you will find the guidance you need in the in this article to help you identify and recognize your true shidduch.
These are the steps to get your 10 points list done -
• First write down all what you can. Thoughts, even ideals and imaginary points, even silly childish and picky points, everything that you want your spouse to have.
• Erase the “Givens” points. We assume that everyone are looking for them, and they are subjective points (Intelligence, attractive, Yerei shamaim(God fearing)).
• Then erase “Wants” from your list (Ex. Tall, rich, stylish, classy).
• Delete “Behavior and personality traits” from your list (Ex. Funny, outgoing, friendly, relaxed).
• Delete”contradictions” from your list. (Ex. Laid back/ ambitious, cautions/ decisive) note: erase one of the names.
• Cut your list to 10 items only .
• Prioritize your list (put in priority order).
Now you have a 10 points priority list that will be very helpful in your future dates to clarify what you are looking for in a date. A lot of people did it and succeeded.
This is a good approach before a Date:
• Daven
• Prepare a resume
• Network
• Check References
• Don't Prejudge
• Use your Shadchan Effectively
• If you are on your own it is imperative that you select a rav, rebbetzin, mentor or wise friend as your sounding board. Finding a shidduch calls for complete objectivity. This is a task of the mind, not the heart, and an objective third party is invaluable in helping maintain clarity on a highly emotional issue. After all, choosing a spouse is not like shopping for a pair of shoes, you will be living with and raising a family with this person for the rest of your life IY'H. This is probably the most momentous decision you will ever have to make. Having someone available that you can confide in will give you a tremendous amount of emotional support and help you to make a great choice based on healthy criteria.
• Make sure that you surround yourself with people who are supportive and encouraging. A friend who makes snide comments about every person you go out with will ensure that you stay single for a long time.
• Try to find a rav or rebbetzin who will be willing to check references for you since they might be better able to read into the subtle nuances that might escape your notice when getting information. Also, if they're better connected than you are, people might be more inclined to be open with them than to a stranger. But if it's not possible to get assistance, then it's up to you to check the references yourself. In any case, you'll need to daven to Hashem that you'll hear what you need to hear and that people will give you honest information.
Here are some tips to help you stay focused on each date.
• Be yourself – it's polite to show interest in your date's interests, but you don't have to pretend that those identical things interest you if they don't. If you keep changing just to suit the person you are with, how will the right person recognize you when they meet you?
• Don't rush – people often make snap judgments and they try to rush through the date. This is not only unfair, but makes the other person feel badly. Even if you are certain that the person is for you, be as polite as possible. You'll feel kinder, and who knows, maybe they will be the messenger for your true shidduch.
• Listen – often a person is so worried on anxious about what to say next that he/she completely forgets to pay attention to what the other person is saying. With the assistance of Hashem, when the time comes, you will have something interesting to say. But don't miss the opportunity to get to know the other person because you are trying so hard to appear charming. Listening well will be seen as a more important middah(character) anyway.
• Don't prejudge – the perfect spouse might make a poor first impression, but really have a lot to offer. You probably have heard happy couples comments about their lack of enthusiasm for each other when they first met. Don't be quick to judge – you might miss the best opportunity of your life! Spend time to get to know what the person is really like.
• Don't let rejection get you down – rejection is also part of the dating process. It eliminates time wasting, by helping you move along to find your shidduch. There may be disappointment and some pain, but don't let it get you down. Get right back on track and let the search continue!
• Keep working on your middos(characters)- the more refined you are in character traits, the better a spouse and parent you will be. By refining your character, you also make yourself into a better “catch”. Find role models to emulate, read books on character building, and then do it! There is nothing as admirable as a person who is strong enough to break old negative traits. You have also done something wonderful for yourself while you are waiting to find your shidduch.
After your date is over, you still have much work to do. Now you will have to determine whether or not to see the person again. Use your top 10 list to compare the traits you need with the traits that your date actually has.
Ask yourself these questions:
• does this person match many of the needs on my top 10 list?
• Are most of my top five needs met?
• Do we have similar hashkafos?
• Do we have similar goals?
• Do we share similar values?
• Do I know what is important to my date? (Family, friends, Torah learning, career, material needs?)
• Do we share expectations in the way we will have parnassah or raise a family?
• Do we share similar attitudes in life?
• Do we compliment each other intellectually?
• Does this person seem to be emotionally healthy?
• Have I seen positive middos displayed?
• Do I look forward to being with him/her?
• Do I find this person's appearance pleasing?
• Is he or she pleasant company?
• Does he/she bring out the best in me?
If the answer to most of this questions is “yes”, then it might be that an engagement is in the near future. If the answer to any of these questions is “no”, then either you still need to gather more information, you need to see which areas you might be willing to compromise on or change your opinions on, or, the person is simply not the right one for you.
Filed under: Dating and Marriage Tips
Updated: Jan 06, 2009
Dating Tips – What to Check for before a Date
This Information is based on information from the Books of Rabbi Avigdor Miller, z”l.
The list is in Order of Priority.
1. If in the Mother and Grandmother Family Tree there are no Conversions and everyone is Jewish.
2. If He or She was Divorced, or Never Married, and his Age.
3. Physical and Mental Health.
4. Goals in Life.
5. Character Deeds, Midot Tovot.
6. His or Her Look and Personality must be Attractive to you.
7. If He or She has a Rabbi they listen to (in order to avoid any conflict in marriage).
8. Economical Situation.
Don’t forget that Praying to Hashem is the Most Powerful Tool You Have, it's simply one of the Best Gifts Hashem has given us.
Identifying the Obstacles
Adapted from the sefer "Shidduchim Secrets".
This will help you to see what may be holding you
back from finding the person that meets your true needs.
back from finding the person that meets your true needs.
• I find it difficult to grow beyond my childhood dreams as I search for a spouse.
• I don't give much thought to my future spouse. I'm sure that when I meet him or her, I'll “know”.
• I fail to see a correlation between my own behavior and how it is effecting my quest for an appropriate spouse.
• I am caught in a rut and seek a partner who might not necessarily be best for me.
• I make decisions regarding the success of a date based on “chemistry”.
• I look at ads of happy people and wish I were in their place.
If the answer to any of these is yes, then think about ways you can grow past these areas that mat have stood in your way without you even realizing it.
Which fantasies or fairy tales are you attached to
that they get in you way of finding your shidduch
that they get in you way of finding your shidduch
• I dream of a romantic relationship that will lead to a fairy tale marriage.
• A “head-turning” spouse is my most important criteria in a marriage partner.
• I believe that my shidduch and I will see eye to eye on most issues.
• I know I will be so captivated by my shidduch that I will have no doubts.
• I get hung up on small things that may not really be important in a spouse.
If the answer to any of these is yes, consider that everyone has character flaws and beauty doesn't make a person perfect. A mature person is prepared to recognize that whomever they marry will not be faultless and that ever good marriage requires tolerance and work. Hopefully, the insights that you have gained regarding fairy tales will help you to appreciate qualities that really matter.
In what ways are you effected by destructive media-influence expectations
• I've known the type of person I plan to marry since I was young child and I cant change that picture.
• I will feel like less of a person if my spouse is not a fantastic catch.
• I will not settle for someone who doesn't live up to my ideals.
• Even minor flaws in people irritate me.
• I wait to hear bells or see stars to know that I have met my shidduch.
If the answer to any is yes, realize that a successful shidduch is determined in the mind, not in the heart. If you are expecting to meet the perfect spouse, you will always be disappointed. On the other hand, if you are realistic, you have a much better chance of meeting a person who meets your needs and then you'll be on your way to a great shidduch!
How does seeking unanimous public approval affect your search
• The opinion of others has a strong influence on the way I form my own opinions.
• I cringe when other criticize my decisions, even when I know that my decisions are sound.
• I care about what others think, to the point that it affects my own behavior.
• I tell people what I think they expect to hear, when they ask me what I am seeking in a shidduch.
• I'm not a deep thinker, I like to go with the flow.
If the answer to any of these is yes, you need to give yourself permission to make your own decisions based on what you feel you need rather than what other people think you need. Picture yourself at home alone with a sink full of dishes and a crying baby. Does it matter now if you spouse can make everyone in the party laugh? After all, although you care about what others think, it is you who will be spending the rest of your life with your future spouse and he/she must have the qualities you need. If you keep this in mind you will surely be on the path of finding the right person.
What specific traits do you look for in a spouse that are actually a smorgasbord
of many traits that describe a person that could not possibly exist
of many traits that describe a person that could not possibly exist
• I know the perfect person with all the good qualities I envision exist. I'm just waiting to meet him/her.
• I believe an excellent spouse must have all of the good qualities in this world and non of the faults.
• I cannot follow the advice of a well-meaning parents or rabbis. They can't possibly know what I need.
• I cannot make concessions on my original expectations. I will be left with an inferior spouse.
If the answer to any is yes, then you should be aware that you have tried to create a person who probably doesn't exist. There is no one who can excel in every quality that you have decided is important. Keep in mind that you will most likely not get everything you want, but you can still have a great marriage.
In what way are you picky about the wrong things
• people tell me I am overly picky and understandable in my search for my shidduch.
• I refuse to “lower my standards” as I seek my future spouse.
• I ignore people who expect me to compromise. I have high ideals and I will stick to them.
• People's bad habits get on my nerves.
• 'Good enough' is not good enough for me. My spouse needs to be someone really special and I won't give in.
If the answer to any is yes, realize that healthy relationship are based on compromise. Being picky about unimportant things hold a person back from finding their shidduch. Being able to see beyond truly insignificant character flaws will give you the best chance at a successful marriage.
In what ways do you see yourself that are not accurate portrayals of who you truly are
• I am confidant that I know exactly who I am even though my close friends tell me otherwise.
• That person that I marry will love me so much they will be able to overlook my shortcomings.
• I know I have some character flaws, but they are minor and I can control them when I want to.
• Nobody is perfect, but I am pretty close.
If the answer to any is yes, then it's time to take a deeper look at yourself. Try to find a mentor, a rav or rebbetzin, or a friend who can help you to better see who you are and what can you bring to a marriage.
In what ways are you so attached to your own lifestyle that you miss out on what you want most
• I am not willing to sacrifice any of my personal comforts for marriage. I am sure that I can have both.
• My career and my need for advancement are my priorities in life.
• I like taking good care of myself. I can't imagine how I will be able to do effectively if I also had to worry about caring for a spouse.
• I need someone who wouldn't “cramp my style.”
• I hope to find my shidduch and I hope he/she won't be too demanding.
If the answer to any of these is yes, then you are living a life in which you are the main character. In marriage however, it is more important to give then to get. A healthy marriage requires a person to be in tune with the needs of their spouse more then their own needs. Be prepared give up some of the comforts you've grown accustomed to in order to be open to finding your shidduch.
In what ways do you let your past patterns choose a spouse for you
• I find myself drawn to the same types of people – even when I know they are not good for me.
• Even thought they don't treat me very well, I feel more comfortable when I am with people who treat me like my family does.
• It is hard for me to break away from the stereotype that “all men behave a certain way.”
• I believe that going to a professional counseling or speaking to a rav in a cop-out ant that marriage will be therapy for my difficult family history.
If the answer to any of these is yes, then be aware that when a person comes from a situation that was dysfunctional, seeking the familiar can be unhealthy and even dangerous. Your goal should be to find someone who has healthy, reliable qualities like trustworthy, honest, and kind etc. - qualities that may have been missing from a dysfunctional past.
In which ways do you jump to conclusions that may eliminate just the right person
• I find myself passing judgment on people, even when I don't have all the facts.
• I trust my instincts. I can judge someone by my first impression.
• If someone isn't right for someone else, then he/she is not right for me either.
• I am very intuitive. I can even tell you what someone is all about based on what I hear about him/her.
• I can tell a lot about a person just by looking at him/her.
If the answer to any of these is yes, then remember that people are very complex and it is impossible to really know someone until you have spent a significant amount of time with him/her and observed his/her behavior in various circumstances. Check with the shadchan, or other sources, that the person you are investigating has the qualities you need, and then give the person a fair chance. People are often nervous on a first date and their true personality may not shine through. Allow him/her to share their experiences with you so that you will gain insight into the type of person he/she truly is.
The Solution
Lets get down to earth and before going out lets get clear what are the main points to consider someone like my possible shidduch. The only way is to make a clear list in a priorities order of what I am looking for and need foe a good marriage. This should be your goal before going out A 10 points list.
This is not a shopping list and everything on your list will match! The point of the list is to clarify TO YOURSELF what your priorities are so you specifically look for these when you are going out. Marriage takes work! Even if your date meets every single item on your list, this does not guarantee a perfect marriage. In order for a marriage to work, it requires work! There will be behaviors you never bargained for or noticed on your dates. For example, you have no way of knowing from your dates that your husband scrapes his teeth with a fork while he eats, or that your wife likes to listen to music loudly. These are challenges that we are work through over time. It is your hishtadlus to help you through the shidduch process. However, like every other challenge we face, we must remember that everything is given to us by Hashem. Each nisayon is tailor-made for the receiver. It also important to recognize that often our hishtadlus seems to have nothing to do with the results that follow. We do our part and when Hashem decided it's the right time, He does His. It is the tefillah that with Hashem's help, you will find the guidance you need in the in this article to help you identify and recognize your true shidduch.
These are the steps to get your 10 points list done -
• First write down all what you can. Thoughts, even ideals and imaginary points, even silly childish and picky points, everything that you want your spouse to have.
• Erase the “Givens” points. We assume that everyone are looking for them, and they are subjective points (Intelligence, attractive, Yerei shamaim(God fearing)).
• Then erase “Wants” from your list (Ex. Tall, rich, stylish, classy).
• Delete “Behavior and personality traits” from your list (Ex. Funny, outgoing, friendly, relaxed).
• Delete”contradictions” from your list. (Ex. Laid back/ ambitious, cautions/ decisive) note: erase one of the names.
• Cut your list to 10 items only .
• Prioritize your list (put in priority order).
Now you have a 10 points priority list that will be very helpful in your future dates to clarify what you are looking for in a date. A lot of people did it and succeeded.
Preparing to Date
This is a good approach before a Date:
• Daven
• Prepare a resume
• Network
• Check References
• Don't Prejudge
• Use your Shadchan Effectively
General Tips for Singles on their own
• If you are on your own it is imperative that you select a rav, rebbetzin, mentor or wise friend as your sounding board. Finding a shidduch calls for complete objectivity. This is a task of the mind, not the heart, and an objective third party is invaluable in helping maintain clarity on a highly emotional issue. After all, choosing a spouse is not like shopping for a pair of shoes, you will be living with and raising a family with this person for the rest of your life IY'H. This is probably the most momentous decision you will ever have to make. Having someone available that you can confide in will give you a tremendous amount of emotional support and help you to make a great choice based on healthy criteria.
• Make sure that you surround yourself with people who are supportive and encouraging. A friend who makes snide comments about every person you go out with will ensure that you stay single for a long time.
• Try to find a rav or rebbetzin who will be willing to check references for you since they might be better able to read into the subtle nuances that might escape your notice when getting information. Also, if they're better connected than you are, people might be more inclined to be open with them than to a stranger. But if it's not possible to get assistance, then it's up to you to check the references yourself. In any case, you'll need to daven to Hashem that you'll hear what you need to hear and that people will give you honest information.
Dating Main Guidelines
Here are some tips to help you stay focused on each date.
• Be yourself – it's polite to show interest in your date's interests, but you don't have to pretend that those identical things interest you if they don't. If you keep changing just to suit the person you are with, how will the right person recognize you when they meet you?
• Don't rush – people often make snap judgments and they try to rush through the date. This is not only unfair, but makes the other person feel badly. Even if you are certain that the person is for you, be as polite as possible. You'll feel kinder, and who knows, maybe they will be the messenger for your true shidduch.
• Listen – often a person is so worried on anxious about what to say next that he/she completely forgets to pay attention to what the other person is saying. With the assistance of Hashem, when the time comes, you will have something interesting to say. But don't miss the opportunity to get to know the other person because you are trying so hard to appear charming. Listening well will be seen as a more important middah(character) anyway.
• Don't prejudge – the perfect spouse might make a poor first impression, but really have a lot to offer. You probably have heard happy couples comments about their lack of enthusiasm for each other when they first met. Don't be quick to judge – you might miss the best opportunity of your life! Spend time to get to know what the person is really like.
• Don't let rejection get you down – rejection is also part of the dating process. It eliminates time wasting, by helping you move along to find your shidduch. There may be disappointment and some pain, but don't let it get you down. Get right back on track and let the search continue!
• Keep working on your middos(characters)- the more refined you are in character traits, the better a spouse and parent you will be. By refining your character, you also make yourself into a better “catch”. Find role models to emulate, read books on character building, and then do it! There is nothing as admirable as a person who is strong enough to break old negative traits. You have also done something wonderful for yourself while you are waiting to find your shidduch.
After your date is over, you still have much work to do. Now you will have to determine whether or not to see the person again. Use your top 10 list to compare the traits you need with the traits that your date actually has.
How do you know if you are in the right track
Ask yourself these questions:
• does this person match many of the needs on my top 10 list?
• Are most of my top five needs met?
• Do we have similar hashkafos?
• Do we have similar goals?
• Do we share similar values?
• Do I know what is important to my date? (Family, friends, Torah learning, career, material needs?)
• Do we share expectations in the way we will have parnassah or raise a family?
• Do we share similar attitudes in life?
• Do we compliment each other intellectually?
• Does this person seem to be emotionally healthy?
• Have I seen positive middos displayed?
• Do I look forward to being with him/her?
• Do I find this person's appearance pleasing?
• Is he or she pleasant company?
• Does he/she bring out the best in me?
If the answer to most of this questions is “yes”, then it might be that an engagement is in the near future. If the answer to any of these questions is “no”, then either you still need to gather more information, you need to see which areas you might be willing to compromise on or change your opinions on, or, the person is simply not the right one for you.
ANY QUESTION OR CONCERN PLEASE YOU MAY CONTACT YOUR PERSONAL MATCHMAKER OR ONE OF OUR RABBANIM IN SIMCHA ONLINE AT ANY TIME
